I made this in 2008. My mother isn't a perfect mother. Not even one this song portrays. But she's my mother. Don't know if I have forgiven her. I thought I have or I think I have. I don't hate her. But she's my mother.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
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Saturday, May 31, 2008
When She Loved me by Sarah McLaughlin
When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour spent together
Lives winthin my heart
And when she was sad
I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy
So was I
When she loved me
Through the summer and the fall
We had each other that was all
Just she and i together
Like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely
I was there to comfort her
And i knew that she loved me
So the years went by
I stayed the same
But she began to drift away
I was left alone
Still I waited for the day
When she'd say "I will always love you"
Lonely and forgotten
Never thought she'd look my way
She smiled at me and held me just like she use to do
Like she loved me
When she loved me
When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour spent together
Lives wintin my heart
When she loved me.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
A Story "Behind The Story" of The Golden Compass
WiltingSatine had a very nice choice of song, "Forgiven", especially it had a word "daemon" in the lyrics, but this really suits Mrs Coulter and probably Lord Asriel, "For so long I've tried to shield you from my world".
[The story "Behind the Story" of The Golden Compass/Northern Lights below was inspired by the video, Forgiven.]
Both couples, Lord Asriel and Marisa Coulter, might have thought that their child was special. And because they had their own separate ways, Marisa working with the Magisterium and Asriel working against the Magisterium, they split due to conflicts and to protect their child. Asriel decidingly took Lyra from Marisa for he knew the Magisterium would harm her someday. He hid Lyra as long as he could from Marisa and the Magisterium, and tried to hide their true identities and the reason Marisa and he split. (This would also mean the rudeness, cruelty, and indifference of the couples towards Lyra in the story. Even though they thought it was best for Lyra not to know their plans and secrets, they forgot that Lyra was beginning to know the truth. And the truth also brings to Lyra's hatred on her parents and their chosen paths.)
For 12 years, Lyra never knew her real parents even that she was living with Asriel, but only knew him as Uncle. At the age of 12, daemons of children were starting to settle until they reach the age of 13, also in Lyra's case. By this time, the Magisterium was also beginning to plan to cut the children from their daemons so the Authority could have an obedient society and also to stop Asriel's plot.
When Asriel almost came nearer to the truth about Dust and the secrets of the Magisterium, he left Lyra in Jordan College so he could delve more deeply with his work and bring it to a finish. When Marisa later learned that Asriel was rather neglecting Lyra, and also that her new job in the Intercission process would someday take Lyra and include Lyra with the other intercised kids, Marisa needed to find Lyra and take her under her protection as soon as possible.
Marisa found out that Lyra was in Jordan College; therefore, she asked the Master that she would take Lyra with her. The Master might have known Marisa was working with the Magisterium and also as Lyra's mother. Even though the Master knew they had to protect Lyra, he had no other choice, but to give Lyra to her mother trusting that she would protect the child more from the Magisterium than they could. He thought Lyra, as a runaway child who always did what she pleased and no one could stop her, needed a mother and they, the college and the scholars, could not always look after the child who just "comes and goes" wherever she wanted. He also believed Marisa could better discipline Lyra and watch over her.
Now that Marisa had Lyra, she probably might be thinking how she was going to tell Lyra the truth of everything about Lyra's past; however, she probably also thought it was best for Lyra not to know everything yet. As a mother, she did everything to please Lyra and always bring Lyra wherever she would go even if it meant letting Lyra learn the dark secrets of her work just to let Lyra be closer to her and to also try to replace the 12 years Marisa missed.
As the ties of both mother and child were beginning to grow, Marisa's job was interfering with her duty as a mother. When Marisa had forgotten that Lyra hadn't known much about her yet, Marisa's temper and manipulative nature came to surface, and that stopped Lyra from liking her for Lyra was a girl no one could control. Lyra only knew Marisa as a kind and loving person, but that thought changed and made Marisa as just a stranger to Lyra.
More troubles came when Marisa found that Lyra had the alethiometer. With her pride and greed for the Magisterium, Marisa's kind and loving personality also faded. Not only did Lyra thought Marisa as a stranger, Marisa was a liar, a thief, and the leader of Gobblers upon knowing that she had been taking children away from their parents. Whether Lyra ever thought that she also would be a victim, she just hated Marisa and would wish to stay away from her. Lyra's trust was gone.
After Lyra ran away, Marisa regretted her weakness showed in front of her daughter and failed to tell her secret. Marisa never would have thought Lyra could have the alethiometer. She later learned that Lyra was the girl the witches spoke of and was able to read the alethiometer. Now, Marisa knew Lyra was in big trouble and she should have her fast before the Magisterium found her, but how was she going to win back the trust of her daughter and at par, remain loyal to the Magisterium? (Though harming Lyra was hard for Marisa, she still had to do it to gain the trust of the Magisterium and tried to avoid them from becoming suspicious of Marisa's true desire on Lyra. She regretted what she did, hoping Lyra would win against her weapon, but she would lose her daughter's trust even more.)
However, the Magisterium were beginning to be suspicious of Marisa's relationship of Lyra, for Marisa voluntarily took Lyra from Jordan College and did not send Lyra immediately to Bolvangar. To test Marisa, they had to let alone Marisa report to them the progress of Lyra's intercission once Lyra was taken captive. For that, Marisa was upset and would not have known what to do, but she really had to find Lyra.
Lyra, with all her adventures after she left Marisa, found new friends she trusted and could love her back. The Gyptians (Lord Faa, Farder Coram, Ma Costa), Serafina Pekkala, and Lee Scoresby might have known Lyra was special and the truth about her parents, but they never told Lyra for they could have thought that was up to Asriel and Marisa how they were going to tell Lyra about themselves. The only important mission they had to accomplish was protect Lyra and help her with her journey towards the truth.
When Lyra reached Bolvangar, Lyra and Marisa's path met again. However, Lyra's hatred grew more when she shockingly heard from Marisa that Asriel was to die in the hands of the Magisterium for heresy and treason. Lyra was even more troubled when she heard that Marisa was so eager to see the children being separated from their daemons for daemons were more than just partners, they were "life" to them. Later, the staff found Lyra eavesdropping, so they had to bring her to the Intercission Room.
Marisa heard another intercission was to be performed, so she went to watch and was eager to see once more the separation. However, Marisa did not know the child they were working on was Lyra, her very own daughter, and with her own eyes and eagerness, she was going to see Lyra be separated. When she came to the room, Marisa, in her horror, saw Lyra, and without thinking other else, she ordered to stop the operation. Marisa was very much in distress for she had seen other kids suffer even with her own fervor before because, this time, it was her own daughter who was involved and she feared Lyra might be lost from her forever.
The staff might be puzzled to see that Marisa, who was once a woman with a darkened heart, stopped the intercission process, and showed mercy and some love towards this one girl whom they had not known. Marisa might have ordered them to reverse the process to bring back Lyra and Pan. Still with puzzled looks, the staff did as they were told. For once, they had seen Marisa as a different woman with a soft heart for she could have wanted them to show special care on Lyra.
In a bedroom (probably Marisa's bedroom for there were papers and a Magisterial seal on a worktable), Marisa stayed beside Lyra. While Marisa was watching her child asleep and probably in pain, Marisa could no longer think twice to tell Lyra the secret of the Intercission and her very own secret, and also thinking whether Lyra would believe in her and love her.
Lyra still hated Marisa. When she woke up, there was Marisa. Marisa told Lyra her promise that no one was to hurt Lyra and the intercission was supposed to be for the good of every children. If it was for the good, Lyra thought, why would Marisa stop it from happening to Lyra? Marisa immediately took the chance and told Lyra her love. Marisa never wanted to harm Lyra. Though the Magisterium commanded her to intercised every child, Marisa knew this would harm Lyra and besides, Marisa did whatever she thought best: saving Lyra.
Lyra could not have understood how she would feel for she was in the presence of her enemy who was to be her mother. Even though Marisa was her mother, Lyra could never forgive what Marisa did and she had to find her father to let him know Marisa's plan to kill him. Though the plan was not really Marisa's, but a girl like Lyra, who was sensitive and longed thought she was an orphan, could not stand the truth, for her thoughts were to be split in half: obey the Authority or wage war against the Authority. Her mother, Marisa, was working with the Magisterium, and her father, Asriel, was working against the Magisterium. Where would she stand? Where would she choose to believe? Lyra made her decision: she was going to stay where she stood and what she believed. Therefore, again she betrayed Marisa.
Marisa was disappointed her daughter ran away from her love again, but she would not stop from looking for Lyra even if it took losing the Magisterium's trust for Lyra was her daughter, nothing would change that, and Lyra might be in danger. Marisa was faithful to get her daughter back even if it would hurt her again.
In the shelter of his secret laboratory, Asriel had almost reached the finish, but he wished someone innocent and young to complete his work. Probably while he was thinking this, Lyra came and Asriel was furious that her daughter might be the answer to his wishes. Lyra was shocked to hear Asriel shouting at her and felt she was not welcome in her father's presence, but Lyra kept her cool without knowing his father's secret. Roger, Lyra's friend, caught Asriel's eyes and was the person Asriel really needed. Asriel probably would have felt sorry for yelling at Lyra, but he could not apologize to Lyra for if he did, he would need to tell his story.
Lyra did not know what Asriel really meant when he thanked her for bringing what he needed for she only thought she was bringing the alethiometer to Asriel. Later that night when the children were asleep, Asriel took Roger to start his plan. When Lyra woke up, she found out that Asriel and Roger were gone and later learned Asriel's real identity.
When Lyra found Roger, she saw Asriel was using Roger as one of his tools to reach the other world. Lyra could not believe what she learned for she thought Asriel was very different from Marisa. However, even though they were in different ways, both harmed children, and Asriel was to kill Roger. Nonetheless, Marisa arrived with the reason to only take Lyra. Asriel and Marisa once again met since they separated. Lyra saw her parents together for the first time, but her hatred to them grew.
Lord Asriel was to enter the other world inviting Lyra and Marisa, but Lyra refused; therefore, leaving the mother and daughter behind, Asriel entered the other world. Asriel could probably be thinking that his family be together once more, but his thoughts of knowing the truth about Dust was far more important to him than his family like he neglected Lyra and left her in Jordan College. Asriel could also not forget that Marisa was working with his enemy, the Magisterium, so he still left Marisa.
When Asriel left, Marisa hoped she could now have her daughter for the last time, but the words of Lyra, "I'm not yours. I could never be yours," lost her hope. Lyra went to the other world leaving Marisa, not following Asriel though, but to find the truth of everything.
Lyra Belacqua was broken so much that her trust of her parents vanished and her beliefs of Lord Asriel also faded. However, Lyra had to stay strong. Even though she was crushed to pieces, she now had to believe in herself alone and no other else. She would be entering into another world she did not know without her friends, the Gyptians, Serafina Pekkala, Lee Scorsby, and Iorek Byrnison. Her friends might not know where she would be but at least she had Pantalaimon, her Pan.
Marisa Coulter was also broken. Not only had she lost her lover again, but also the child she sought for so long which she hoped to embrace and share her love.
[If you have comments, please do share.]
Now that Marisa had Lyra, she probably might be thinking how she was going to tell Lyra the truth of everything about Lyra's past; however, she probably also thought it was best for Lyra not to know everything yet. As a mother, she did everything to please Lyra and always bring Lyra wherever she would go even if it meant letting Lyra learn the dark secrets of her work just to let Lyra be closer to her and to also try to replace the 12 years Marisa missed.
As the ties of both mother and child were beginning to grow, Marisa's job was interfering with her duty as a mother. When Marisa had forgotten that Lyra hadn't known much about her yet, Marisa's temper and manipulative nature came to surface, and that stopped Lyra from liking her for Lyra was a girl no one could control. Lyra only knew Marisa as a kind and loving person, but that thought changed and made Marisa as just a stranger to Lyra.
More troubles came when Marisa found that Lyra had the alethiometer. With her pride and greed for the Magisterium, Marisa's kind and loving personality also faded. Not only did Lyra thought Marisa as a stranger, Marisa was a liar, a thief, and the leader of Gobblers upon knowing that she had been taking children away from their parents. Whether Lyra ever thought that she also would be a victim, she just hated Marisa and would wish to stay away from her. Lyra's trust was gone.
After Lyra ran away, Marisa regretted her weakness showed in front of her daughter and failed to tell her secret. Marisa never would have thought Lyra could have the alethiometer. She later learned that Lyra was the girl the witches spoke of and was able to read the alethiometer. Now, Marisa knew Lyra was in big trouble and she should have her fast before the Magisterium found her, but how was she going to win back the trust of her daughter and at par, remain loyal to the Magisterium? (Though harming Lyra was hard for Marisa, she still had to do it to gain the trust of the Magisterium and tried to avoid them from becoming suspicious of Marisa's true desire on Lyra. She regretted what she did, hoping Lyra would win against her weapon, but she would lose her daughter's trust even more.)
However, the Magisterium were beginning to be suspicious of Marisa's relationship of Lyra, for Marisa voluntarily took Lyra from Jordan College and did not send Lyra immediately to Bolvangar. To test Marisa, they had to let alone Marisa report to them the progress of Lyra's intercission once Lyra was taken captive. For that, Marisa was upset and would not have known what to do, but she really had to find Lyra.
Lyra, with all her adventures after she left Marisa, found new friends she trusted and could love her back. The Gyptians (Lord Faa, Farder Coram, Ma Costa), Serafina Pekkala, and Lee Scoresby might have known Lyra was special and the truth about her parents, but they never told Lyra for they could have thought that was up to Asriel and Marisa how they were going to tell Lyra about themselves. The only important mission they had to accomplish was protect Lyra and help her with her journey towards the truth.
When Lyra reached Bolvangar, Lyra and Marisa's path met again. However, Lyra's hatred grew more when she shockingly heard from Marisa that Asriel was to die in the hands of the Magisterium for heresy and treason. Lyra was even more troubled when she heard that Marisa was so eager to see the children being separated from their daemons for daemons were more than just partners, they were "life" to them. Later, the staff found Lyra eavesdropping, so they had to bring her to the Intercission Room.
Marisa heard another intercission was to be performed, so she went to watch and was eager to see once more the separation. However, Marisa did not know the child they were working on was Lyra, her very own daughter, and with her own eyes and eagerness, she was going to see Lyra be separated. When she came to the room, Marisa, in her horror, saw Lyra, and without thinking other else, she ordered to stop the operation. Marisa was very much in distress for she had seen other kids suffer even with her own fervor before because, this time, it was her own daughter who was involved and she feared Lyra might be lost from her forever.
The staff might be puzzled to see that Marisa, who was once a woman with a darkened heart, stopped the intercission process, and showed mercy and some love towards this one girl whom they had not known. Marisa might have ordered them to reverse the process to bring back Lyra and Pan. Still with puzzled looks, the staff did as they were told. For once, they had seen Marisa as a different woman with a soft heart for she could have wanted them to show special care on Lyra.
In a bedroom (probably Marisa's bedroom for there were papers and a Magisterial seal on a worktable), Marisa stayed beside Lyra. While Marisa was watching her child asleep and probably in pain, Marisa could no longer think twice to tell Lyra the secret of the Intercission and her very own secret, and also thinking whether Lyra would believe in her and love her.
Lyra still hated Marisa. When she woke up, there was Marisa. Marisa told Lyra her promise that no one was to hurt Lyra and the intercission was supposed to be for the good of every children. If it was for the good, Lyra thought, why would Marisa stop it from happening to Lyra? Marisa immediately took the chance and told Lyra her love. Marisa never wanted to harm Lyra. Though the Magisterium commanded her to intercised every child, Marisa knew this would harm Lyra and besides, Marisa did whatever she thought best: saving Lyra.
Lyra could not have understood how she would feel for she was in the presence of her enemy who was to be her mother. Even though Marisa was her mother, Lyra could never forgive what Marisa did and she had to find her father to let him know Marisa's plan to kill him. Though the plan was not really Marisa's, but a girl like Lyra, who was sensitive and longed thought she was an orphan, could not stand the truth, for her thoughts were to be split in half: obey the Authority or wage war against the Authority. Her mother, Marisa, was working with the Magisterium, and her father, Asriel, was working against the Magisterium. Where would she stand? Where would she choose to believe? Lyra made her decision: she was going to stay where she stood and what she believed. Therefore, again she betrayed Marisa.
Marisa was disappointed her daughter ran away from her love again, but she would not stop from looking for Lyra even if it took losing the Magisterium's trust for Lyra was her daughter, nothing would change that, and Lyra might be in danger. Marisa was faithful to get her daughter back even if it would hurt her again.
In the shelter of his secret laboratory, Asriel had almost reached the finish, but he wished someone innocent and young to complete his work. Probably while he was thinking this, Lyra came and Asriel was furious that her daughter might be the answer to his wishes. Lyra was shocked to hear Asriel shouting at her and felt she was not welcome in her father's presence, but Lyra kept her cool without knowing his father's secret. Roger, Lyra's friend, caught Asriel's eyes and was the person Asriel really needed. Asriel probably would have felt sorry for yelling at Lyra, but he could not apologize to Lyra for if he did, he would need to tell his story.
Lyra did not know what Asriel really meant when he thanked her for bringing what he needed for she only thought she was bringing the alethiometer to Asriel. Later that night when the children were asleep, Asriel took Roger to start his plan. When Lyra woke up, she found out that Asriel and Roger were gone and later learned Asriel's real identity.
When Lyra found Roger, she saw Asriel was using Roger as one of his tools to reach the other world. Lyra could not believe what she learned for she thought Asriel was very different from Marisa. However, even though they were in different ways, both harmed children, and Asriel was to kill Roger. Nonetheless, Marisa arrived with the reason to only take Lyra. Asriel and Marisa once again met since they separated. Lyra saw her parents together for the first time, but her hatred to them grew.
Lord Asriel was to enter the other world inviting Lyra and Marisa, but Lyra refused; therefore, leaving the mother and daughter behind, Asriel entered the other world. Asriel could probably be thinking that his family be together once more, but his thoughts of knowing the truth about Dust was far more important to him than his family like he neglected Lyra and left her in Jordan College. Asriel could also not forget that Marisa was working with his enemy, the Magisterium, so he still left Marisa.
When Asriel left, Marisa hoped she could now have her daughter for the last time, but the words of Lyra, "I'm not yours. I could never be yours," lost her hope. Lyra went to the other world leaving Marisa, not following Asriel though, but to find the truth of everything.
Lyra Belacqua was broken so much that her trust of her parents vanished and her beliefs of Lord Asriel also faded. However, Lyra had to stay strong. Even though she was crushed to pieces, she now had to believe in herself alone and no other else. She would be entering into another world she did not know without her friends, the Gyptians, Serafina Pekkala, Lee Scorsby, and Iorek Byrnison. Her friends might not know where she would be but at least she had Pantalaimon, her Pan.
Marisa Coulter was also broken. Not only had she lost her lover again, but also the child she sought for so long which she hoped to embrace and share her love.
[If you have comments, please do share.]
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